SPOTLIGHT: Essential Tips for Wedding Guests | California Wedding Day
SPOTLIGHT: Essential Tips for Wedding Guests
The ultimate guide to wedding day Do's and Don'ts
April 27, 2025
Weddings are all about love, laughter, and bringing the best people together - and that means you! Couples spend so much time and care dreaming up every detail of their day, and they can’t wait to share it with you. Your energy, excitement and good vibes are a big part of what makes it all unforgettable. By showing up ready to celebrate (and maybe shed a happy tear or two), you’re helping to make the magic even brighter. To help you bring your A-game, here’s your ultimate cheat sheet of do’s and don’ts for being the guest everyone’s thrilled to have at the party!
DO...
✅ RSVP on Time (and Read the Fine Print!) One of the simplest and most respectful things you can do as a guest is to RSVP promptly. A timely response helps the couple lock in their guest count, which is crucial for organizing everything from seating charts to catering orders. As Brooklyn Hampton from Friar Tux puts it, “RSVP = Respect. Timely responses help everything run smoother - no one wants to chase down headcounts.” When you confirm (or politely decline) your invite on time, you’re helping them avoid last-minute surprises and making sure everyone behind the scenes, from the chef to the planner, can keep things running smoothly.
And while you’re at it, make sure you actually read the RSVP card instructions! Kaci Johnson of Xoxo Weddings shares, “Most guests don’t realize what the ‘M’ on an RSVP card stands for - it’s the first letter of your title, like Mr., Mrs., or Ms. Many cards come back with no name, just a checked food choice, and sometimes guests don’t follow special instructions like initialing next to their meal selection.” Bottom line: fill out your card fully and carefully. It’s a small detail that makes a huge difference!
✅ Plan Your Arrival Time Carefully Arriving on time is key to keeping the wedding running smoothly. Plan your travel so that you arrive no more than 30 minutes before the ceremony starts. This helps avoid interrupting last-minute preparations and keeps the vibe calm and collected. As Holly Holiday of Tar Creek Ranch wisely points out, "Sometimes, guests pop in an hour (or even 90 minutes!) early, which can pull the wedding team away from those last-minute finishing touches. Trust us, your patience will help make everything picture-perfect!” Showing up just at the right time ensures you’re there to enjoy the event without disrupting the magic happening behind the scenes.
✅ Respect the Dress Code "Respecting the dress code is one of the simplest yet most impactful ways to honor a couple’s vision for their wedding day," says Brooke Heflin from Burlap & Bordeaux. "Whether it's black-tie, cocktail, coastal chic or garden formal, dress codes are carefully chosen to reflect the tone and aesthetic of the event. Ignoring the dress code can stand out for all the wrong reasons. When in doubt, it's always better to be slightly overdressed than underdressed, and if the dress code isn’t clear, don’t hesitate to reach out or refer to the couple’s wedding website. Following the requested attire helps set the scene, ensures you look great in photos, and shows that you’re fully present to celebrate with intention and style.”
✅ Show Up Relaxed, Present, and Engaged The new guest etiquette? Show up relaxed, present, and engaged, as Nikki Keller from The Venue Assistant suggests. "Your only job is to celebrate," she explains. "When the couple has a dedicated team managing the timeline, vendors, and all the small-but-mighty details, guests naturally follow suit." Elevated experiences start with operational excellence, and by arriving in the right mindset, you’re contributing to the smooth flow of the day and making the celebration even more enjoyable. So, focus on enjoying the moment and leave the logistics to the pros!
✅ Put Your Phone Away A key part of modern guest etiquette is putting phones away during the ceremony, advises Kate Bizimova of Kate Flowers LA. "With a professional photographer capturing every moment, guests are encouraged to be fully present - no photos, no videos. It keeps the experience meaningful and the photos clean, without phones or people blocking the aisle. Most planners now request this, and thankfully, guests usually respect it." Not only does this help create a more intimate atmosphere, but it also ensures that the couple can fully savor those once-in-a-lifetime moments without distractions. So, let the pros handle the photos while you focus on enjoying the celebration!
✅ Be Patient at the Bar & Show Appreciation "Patience at the bar is key, along with tipping your bartenders (even a buck goes a long way) and respecting the couple’s drink selections," says Taylor Steers of Tap Truck USA Mobile Bar Services. Avoid rushing the bartender, trying to order off-menu drinks or overindulging too early. The couple has put thought into the drink offerings, so be sure to enjoy what's provided and appreciate their choices. Showing gratitude toward the bartenders for their hard work not only helps maintain a smooth flow to the event but also contributes to a positive atmosphere for everyone involved.
✅ Embrace the Couple's Vibe & Entertainment Couples put a lot of love and care into curating every aspect of their wedding - from the venue to the music, and even the entertainment. According to Psychic Davida Rappaport, "The couples who hire me to do Tarot readings at their weddings want a 'fun, spiritual' vibe. Every vendor is chosen with love and care based upon their personalities and style." When attending, embrace their chosen vibe, whether it’s fun and spiritual or elegant and classic. Be mindful of the entertainment they’ve chosen, as it’s carefully aligned with their personalities and style. Guests should be open to enjoying the full experience and participating in what’s available - whether it's Tarot readings, live music, or a DJ. By doing so, you help keep the flow of the evening smooth and make the celebration even more memorable for the couple.
✅ Be Kind and Respectful to the Wedding Team "A planner is hired to ensure everything runs smoothly, and that includes keeping things on schedule," reminds Jamison and Tania Events. "When they kindly ask you to head to your seat, please don’t linger at the bar.” Your cooperation helps maintain the flow of the event and shows respect for the hard work of the team.
DON'T...
🚫 Ask for a Plus One ... or Show Up With One Wedding guest etiquette is all about celebrating the couple’s big day with joy and respect. As Taylor Toerien, Monge Amore Events M.A.E. explains, "If you didn’t get a plus one, it’s not because you're not awesome, but because the couple likely has a strategically planned guest list - think of it like a carefully curated playlist where every guest gets a special song. Asking for an extra invite might feel like trying to sneak into the VIP section, but the truth is, sometimes it's just about keeping the day intimate and manageable. So, why not embrace your solo status? You might just make some new friends, hit the dance floor, and be the life of the party!"
And as Anastasia Shevchenko of Sheff Production Photography & Videography adds, "Showing up with unannounced plus-ones? A definite no-go. Couples are tightening their guest lists and communicating boundaries clearly. One idea we love: a QR RSVP that auto-confirms if your name is actually on the list - soft boundaries with high-tech charm." Respecting the guest list on the day of the wedding helps keep the celebration flowing smoothly and ensures everyone is there to support the couple’s vision for their day.
🚫 Change Your RSVP After the Deadline The seating chart isn’t a Google Doc, and last-minute changes can create real stress for the couple and their planners. As MJ Seo of Blush Events points out, "Last-minute switches cause real stress, especially when it comes to seating and catering arrangements." Once you've submitted your RSVP, stick to it - this helps keep everything running smoothly and ensures no one’s scrambling to make adjustments at the last minute. Respect the timeline and avoid unnecessary disruptions.
🚫 Criticize the Ceremony or Reception Whether or not you like the food, the music, or the décor, keep your opinions to yourself. It’s the couple’s special day, and they’ve put a lot of thought into every detail. If something isn’t to your taste, it’s best to focus on the celebration and not dwell on minor details.
🚫 Skip Out After RSVP’ing When you RSVP "yes," you're making a commitment to show up and celebrate with the couple. Not attending without letting them know creates confusion and extra stress, especially when seating and catering are based on your response. As Deborah James of Eagle Oak Ranch shares, "It shows you care, and honestly, it makes everything smoother for everyone!" If something comes up and you absolutely can't attend, notify the couple or planner as soon as possible to minimize disruption and help them make any necessary adjustments.
🚫 Show Up Too Pre-Gamed or Overindulge at The Bar Being overly eager with the drinks before the event or at the end of the night can lead to chaos at the bar and an awkward vibe for everyone. As Steers from Tap Truck USA Mobile Bar Services advises, "Showing up a little too pre-gamed or panic-ordering five cocktails at last call is definitely not the move." Keep it classy, pace yourself, and enjoy the experience without overwhelming the bartenders or being the last one at the bar.
🚫 Bring a Heavy Gift to the Wedding Bringing a large or heavy gift to the wedding can create unnecessary stress for the couple and the venue. Instead, send the gift directly to their home beforehand. It saves space and ensures that the couple doesn't have to worry about transporting a bulky gift after the wedding.
🚫 Text the Couple on Their Wedding Day It’s the couple’s special day, and they’re likely busy soaking in every moment of their celebration. Avoid texting them with questions or unnecessary messages - save that for after the wedding. If you need assistance, reach out to the planner or another point of contact instead. Let the couple enjoy their celebration without interruptions!
🚫 Wear White White, ivory, and other pale shades should be avoided - they are reserved for the bride. You don’t want to outshine her on her special day! Stick to other beautiful hues that complement the theme without drawing attention away from the main event. As Jamison and Tania Events put it, "Wearing white is (still) out. Yes, even if it’s a white floral print. Just… no." Let the bride have her moment in white and choose colors that respect her spotlight!
Main Photo Credits: Ceremony design for Tania and James, Venue: Coyote Hills Golf Course, Florals: Kate Flowers LA, Photography: Tin Nguyen
